Beyond What’s Expected

Meet the student leaders unpacking what it means to be a man in the Upper School’s Positive Masculinity Club

Since its founding in 2023, the Upper School’s Positive Masculinity Club has created a space for male students to come together in community and reflection. Participants engage in open discussion while examining—and challenging—what it means to be a man.

The following excerpts come from an interview with the group’s 2025-26 student leaders, all members of the Class of 2026: Ari Waechter, Kai Wolahan, Levi Whalen Stewart, and Nico Igarashi.

How would you define “positive masculinity,” and what is the purpose of the club?

Ari Waechter: That’s a question we go over in the first couple of meetings of the year. It means different things and serves different purposes to different people, but basically, it&rsqou;s a space where young men, alongside faculty, can talk about what it means to be a man, how to deal with more negative aspects of masculinity that are societally enforced, and how to counteract those ideas in a healthy way.

Kai Wolahan: Most of our meetings consist of a group of about 15 to 20 regulars coming together. Sometimes there will be a presentation, but generally they&rsqou;re discussion-oriented. Most people speak from personal experience about how ideas of masculinity impact them on a daily basis, whether that&rsqou;s positive or negative.

What motivated you to get involved and become a leader in the group?

Levi Whalen Stewart: Growing up playing competitive sports, I see a lot of toxic masculinity daily, and I have always been inspired to go against that narrative and work hard to improve team culture. Being a leader in the club and captain of multiple sports teams at Catlin has allowed me to address this problem more directly. By coordinating with our Athletics Department [Tyler Reuter and Kate Williams ’01] and other sports teams' captains, we have been able to focus not only on succeeding with wins but also on creating a good team culture. 

Kai: For me, the idea of gender expectations shaping behavior is something that I&rsqou;m very interested in from an academic perspective. I&rsqou;m going to college for sociology, and so that&rsqou;s definitely a topic that really interested me. On a more personal basis, it was just nice to have a space where I felt I could be vulnerable with other people and talk about things that bothered me or how I want to improve as a person. 

What examples of growth or change have you observed as a result of the club?

Nico Igarashi: We had a joint meeting with the Middle School’s Positive Masculinity Club last semester, and there was this one middle schooler at the start of the meeting who was really antagonistic towards the whole thing. He definitely didn&rsqou;t want to be there, and he was making jokes and kind of stirring up trouble. But after that, we went into a discussion about being vulnerable with your friends and the people around you, and what creates trust.

And I remember looking at him when we were sharing and I saw his expression change from something that was standoffish and questioning to shock that we were sharing something this deep. And then when the conversation got its way around to him, he even shared his own anecdote.

It was really fulfilling being able to see that kind of change happen, like, "Oh, maybe we are getting through to them in some kind of way."

Who do you look to for inspiration in terms of models for healthy, positive masculinity?

Ari: For me, the obvious choices would definitely be the advisors that help us organize the club: John Harnetiaux, Chris Mateer, and Tyler Reuter. Those three all have a super good moral compass, and they do a great job helping us navigate how to best reach other people and learn about ourselves in the process.

Nico: I get a lot of inspiration from online content creators. I think there&rsqou;s a growing community of men online that are seeking to explore their own masculinity, and it&rsqou;s really interesting to hear those discussions around positive masculinity and being the best version of yourself.

Kai: My biggest role model&rsqou;;s definitely been my dad, who&rsqou;s been a role model for me my whole life. I&rsqou;m a big Prince fan too, as well as Victor Wembanyama, the basketball player.

Levi: Two of my biggest role models are my brother and sister. My brother has always been very outgoing and confident in who he is. Everywhere he goes, he builds connections that go deeper than just the superficial layer. I admire my sister because of her completely authentic kindness and curiosity. She has always been a role model for me, and even though she is not a man, she demonstrates so many habits that I want to carry forth in my life.

You all recently attended a Young Men’s Conference in Seattle. What was it like participating in these conversations in a group beyond Catlin Gabel?

Ari: It was really cool. It was maybe a hundred young boys, on a Saturday, and they all wanted to be there. We had a lot of discussions similar to the ones we have at school, but there were also different ones, and getting to hear insight and opinions outside of the Catlin community was really refreshing.

Kai: It was interesting to hear different perspectives because, as much as we try to prevent it, Catlin becomes a bit of an echo chamber sometimes. It was interesting to step outside that and hear from people all across Washington, from eighth grade all the way up to adults. 

As you enter your next phase as graduates of Catlin Gabel, how do you see this work carrying forward in your life?

Nico: Going into college, I want to look for these kinds of spaces, or create my own if they’re not present. 

Levi: Moving on to play soccer in college, I want to be able to positively make a difference in my team&rsqou;s culture. I am excited to use this club as a reminder to keep myself grounded and hopefully keep other teammates and friends from getting sucked into the toxic masculinity trends that I see so often in sports. 

What has surprised you most since being part of this club? 

Nico: When we get really good turnouts, like 30 people or so, it&rsqou;s really interesting to hear how many people speak up when we&rsqou;re having those discussions. Almost everyone is sharing something that&rsqou;s personal in their own way. 

Ari: What continues to surprise me is the amount of excitement people get over the club. It&rsqou;s pretty cool to hear people say, "Oh, when&rsqou;s Positive Masculinity happening?" or, "Oh my gosh, today I have this class, this class, and Positive Masculinity, best day of the week!" or something like that. 

Kai: Prior to joining this club, I thought of topics around gender in a more abstract way. And with this club, and hearing everyon&rsqou;s personal experiences, I feel like what surprised me most is just how widespread and prominent these issues are in daily life.

How would you define positive masculinity now?

Kai: It’s reexamining traditional ideas of masculinity and choosing what aspects you want to include or leave behind in developing who you are as a man.

Levi: Positive masculinity is being comfortable with who you are, including your emotions and feelings, without feeling constrained by the societal norms of what it means to be a man. 

Ari: It&rsqou;s really about finding yourself in the context of what it means to be a man or a male-identifying person and grappling with those ideas.

Nico: Defining your own version of masculinity, not what anyone tells you masculinity is supposed to be.