A parent recently came to talk to me about how she has moved through a wonderful journey of worrying about her child who has ADHD to feeling that in many ways it is a blessing.  It is my belief that parents go through a series of steps when they learn their child may have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).  In the beginning, parents may feel a sense of denial or panic.  Some parents may feel alone or become amazing information seekers.  Either way there is often an initial struggle while coming to terms with what the diagnosis means. 

By Allen Schauffler & Jonathan Weedman

From the Spring 2010 Caller

Community is not an elusive quest at Catlin Gabel. It is the granite cornerstone of our foundation. We can reach back into the school’s earliest history and find references to community woven throughout Ruth Catlin’s writings. In the mid and late 1960s, when the influence of the Black Mountain College group among the faculty provided foundational ideas about community, the school as we now know it took shape. Ideas about community have come from many sources since then, but those two influences are the driving forces behind what we teach and model today. From Beginning Schoolers, where community is taught and experienced as concrete cause and effect, to Upper Schoolers, where community becomes an internalized and essential ingredient for living, its teaching is intentional and direct. Beginning with the littlest children, both in the classroom and outdoors on the playground, one can hear the mantra “Be Safe and Be Kind” over and over. In the Lower School that mantra becomes the essential question when a child is learning behavioral expectations.

As children move through the grades we use both implicit and explicit interventions to further set the stage for community development. We teach kindergarteners the fundamentals of working in a group and how to get along with others. They are taught to discover if the choices they make are wise and ask themselves, is it safe? Is it kind? Is it honest? Is it fair? A good problem solver is a good community member, and from this early stage of their academic career children are taught the steps to problem solving, through stories, coaching, or through a tool called Kelso’s Wheel, a list of strategies for conflict resolution. Learning to be a good friend is also imperative as a kindergarten Eagle. Children spend time Fishin’ for Friends and discussing the components of good friendship, such as empathy, taking turns, problem solving, sharing, and helping each other. In fact, children learn that being a good friend helps their classroom and ultimately the entire community work well.

In addition to the children of Catlin Gabel, a parent body that embraces the school and its ideals is imperative for successful community building and to further solidify community engagement. We encourage parents to participate across the school in official and unofficial capacities, carry over classroom lessons to home, and serve as extended eyes and ears of the faculty while supervising children on the playground and on class trips. Elected Parent Faculty Association representatives for each grade strive to relay communication between parents and teachers. Unofficially, parents celebrate community with their children by attending Friday Sing in the Beginning School and Community Meeting in the Lower School. They volunteer across the school in a variety of capacities and are essential for successful completion of fundraising initiatives, conferences, and special events. Engaged parents model to children the emphasis on community and demonstrate a desire to make it a stronger and better place. Parents are asked to help each other’s children, to intervene in conflicts, and to help children understand that every adult at Catlin Gabel is there to support them.

Preschool teacher Allen Schauffler has been at Catlin Gabel for 42 years. Jonathan Weedman is the Beginning and Lower School counselor at Catlin Gabel. He has worked with children, youth, and families in the Portland area for the last 10 years.  

Photo by crirez

In the last few weeks, the 4th grade class was blessed with their Catlin Gabel email accounts. Not only does this allow your student to communicate via another medium it also gives them the opportunity for added responsibility. With enough preparation and planning children can learn to use the internet in safe and productive ways.

Transparency is of utmost importance when talking about the internet and/or computer usage with children. Regardless of what boundaries you decide are appropriate for your family, complete informed consent is important for all family members. Let your children know that you will be periodically checking their conversations over email and that you will be checking the history on the computer browser. The second most important component of establishing boundaries around internet usage is consistency of structure. No matter what you decide, make sure the rule applies at all times with no exceptions. The final component for setting up internet guidelines is to start early! The younger your children are when you set up these family internet rules the better. Normalizing such guidelines will make it easier for them when they reach adolescence and are given more online freedom. Be sure to let your children know the timeline and that these rules can be reviewed and more freedom maybe granted when you feel its appropriate based on their trustworthiness and maturity level. Here are some general internet usage tips for home.

1.Transparency. It is important to be completely up front with your children about the fact that you want to know what they are doing and where they are going when they are on the internet. Tell them you are monitoring their usage to ensure they learn to make the right choices.

 2.Understand what your child is doing. In addition to monitoring your child’s internet behavior, you should also work to understand what your child’s activities are. Find out what they are doing online and why they are doing it. The more you know what your child is doing and the more you discuss it, the better the chances that your child will trust you and share his/her online life with you. This is the time to build that foundation of trust while your child is just beginning to explore online life.

3.Locate the computer in a public place. The computer they work on should be in a public place of the house at all times. This allows you to casually view what they are viewing. Children who have laptops and have access to wireless connections should never be allowed to use their laptops alone in their bedrooms. Limit online access to times when parents are around.

4.Teach your children to never give out personal information. This includes his/her name, the names of friends or family, address, phone number, school name (or team name if he/she plays sports). Personal info also includes pictures and e-mail addresses. Children should ask permission before sharing any information online. Passwords are secrets. Your child should never tell anyone except a parent or guardian his/her password.

5.If it doesn't look or feel right, it probably isn't. Trust your instincts and teach your kids to trust theirs. While surfing the Internet, if your child finds something that they don't like, makes them feel uncomfortable or scares them, make sure they know to turn off the monitor and tell an adult.

6.Know all user names and passwords for your child’s email account. Let your child know that you will have access to their email and that you will periodically review what they are sending and receiving.

7.Restrict your child from using web-based emails accounts (Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail, AOL, etc). Access to these types of email accounts prevent you from being in control. They have the power to change their passwords which could prevent you from viewing what they are sending and receiving.

8.Review internet history often. Let your child know that you will be reviewing the history of websites they are visiting. You should know where your child is at all times, in the real world as well as the virtual world.

9.Use online filtering systems to help your family avoid unwanted websites. Google Safe Search is such a tool and can help reduce the amount of inappropriate websites returned in a search.

10.Discuss email etiquette. Teach your child respect for the internet and email. Email can create an imaginary buffer between people and the real world. Children should be taught that how we speak to someone in real life should be the way they communicate in email.

11.Establish home rules for internet safety with your child and post them next to the computer. Discuss what the rules are and consequences of not adhering to those rules. Ideas for rules can be the amount of time spent on the Internet, time of day your child is allowed to be online, use of certain websites, downloading software, personal information that can be posted, what to do when coming across inappropriate material.