Have you ever heard the phrase you catch more flies with honey?  Besides being a pearl of wisdom, this old adage speaks to human nature.  It tells us that we get more of what we want by being kind and sweet.  What if that honey wasn’t just about being kind and sweet?  What if that honey was being grateful and what we wanted to gain was a greater sense of happiness? 

Teaching children to be grateful for the things they have can actually make them happier.  When children appreciate and are thankful for what is given to them they feel content, whole, fulfilled.  These feelings then lead to greater sense of well-being and happiness.  On the other hand, when children are not grateful and instead seek to have more, they often are left with a sense of longing and emptiness.  They create a pattern of never feeling satiated and that there is never enough to help them feel better. 

Therefore, teaching children a sense of gratitude is paramount to happiness and success.  Does it go beyond teaching them to say thank you?  According to parent.com the answer is yes.  Parent.com gives us some great tips for teaching gratitude:

• Work gratitude into your daily conversation.  "We're so lucky to have a good cat like Sam!" "Aren't the colors in the sunset amazing?"  Set up a routine talking as a family for what you are thankful for.  This normalizes the process of gratitude and shifts the conversation from what is wrong or what you don’t have to being thankful for all you do have.
  
• Have kids help. Giving children chores around the house that are suitable for their developmental level is extremely helpful for them to learn gratitude.  Children can be appreciative when they realize what it takes to run a household.  Simple everyday things can do the trick.  Such chores as feeding the dog, transferring the clothes from the washer to the dryer, pulling weeds, or putting your plate in the dishwasher can go far in teaching this lesson. 
  
• Find a goodwill project.  This doesn’t have to be taking on a big project.  It can be taking clothes to Goodwill, taking canned food to the food bank, or helping a neighbor with their yard work.  Its important to talk about why you are doing it and why you are thankful for what you have. 
  
• Encourage generosity.  Giving to others is powerful.  Encourage sharing what you have with others.  If you do not have much, encourage sharing your time, energy, and creativity.  Again, speak directly to what you are doing and why. 
  
• Insist on thank-you notes.   For little ones, this can be you writing the note and they drawing a picture or signing their name.  For older kids, carve out time for them to do this and make it personal.  They should address it to the person and specifically thank them for the item they received.  Teaching children to write thank you notes of gifts can be a powerful lesson. 
  
• Practice saying no. Children who never hear the word “no,” never learn to have self-discipline.  If children are granted all their heart desires they will have a hard time appreciating what they have as they learn to expect the next toy, cookie, or video game.  
  

Recently several teachers and myself attended a wonderful conference in San Francisco called Learning and the Brain.  This particular brain conference focused on social-emotional learning and what we know about the brain.  Self-regulation, cultivating happiness, and attention were large pieces of interest.

The process of cultivating happiness in children isn’t as elusive as once thought.  What we know is that people who are happy have four key elements.  These are having a growth mindset, a sense of gratitude, living in and embracing a culture of kindness, and having self-discipline. 

Although, many people would agree these are wonderful traits to have in a social context what I find most intriguing is their impact on brain development.  Children’s brains have great plasticity.  Their brains are changing and growing and are very malleable at this young age.  David Walsh says, “the neurons that fire together, wire together.”  Simply speaking, the repeated connections we make create long lasting effects in brain development.  If we help children’s neurons fire with these four elements in mind, their brains are going to create a tendency to do be this way as they age. 

Mental health professionals have known for years about this phenomenon but have never given it such specificity.  We know that when a brain is traumatized it “rewires” itself.  Part of trauma work is getting the brain to wire itself back into a more calm state of existence.  People who have experienced trauma are more hyper-vigilant and have a higher sensitivity to environmental stimulus.  We know that people who have long histories of depression have a tendency to think depressively and we work to rewrite the cognitive tapes they tell themselves.  With enough practice the depressed individual can think more positively. 

Therefore, the link can be made that the four elements of having a growth mindset, feeling gratitude, embracing a culture of kindness, and having self-discipline can greatly effect brain development.  Having these neurons firing together and making connections can make a more functional and hopefully happier adult.   Stay tuned for more details about each of the four elements in the coming Crier J

Jonathan

From the Winter 2011-12 Caller

What is resiliency?

Jonathan: Resiliency (or resilience) is the ability to bounce back from hardship, which is part of life. Things happen all the time. Resiliency is about what you do, or what’s around you that helps you bounce back and move on.

Is resiliency an innate trait?

What we can do as a community to help children recover from hardships?

Kristin, how do you teach Middle Schoolers about resiliency?

Kate, do we have that kind of training in Upper School?

Kate: We talk about resiliency in the 10th grade health class, and there’s a lot of self-reflection that goes on in Upper School. In English classes, there’s the “Who Am I?” essay and the sophomore “Embarrassment” essay and reflection on the writing process as a way to improve. In a way resiliency is filtered through different parts of the Upper School curriculum and, of course, in the college process. We want students to know they can grow and change and gain a new perspective. The faculty talks a lot about how to foster resiliency and to support its development.

Is resiliency connected with bullying and victimhood?

Kristin: My students and I think about non-defensive strategies for responding to verbal put-downs—like using humor or ignoring it, always being honest and assertive. A genuine response to someone making fun of a sweater would be, “Oh, I like this sweater. My grandmother made it, and it’s important to me.” So they’re being genuine back, and not defensive, which tends to just stop the teasing.

Do you see kids building confidence when they learn how to cope?

Can resiliency be confused with just letting kids fail?

Kate: To keep it in perspective, most of the situations our kids encounter are not life altering, but their attitude toward them may be. So when they run into something difficult, they’re better able to say, “This is really awful. But I do have some inherent strengths to deal with this.” People can turn even small failures against themselves if they aren’t interpreted in a way that helps them think, “Ah, this is an opportunity for me to learn something.”

What do we do well as a school to build resiliency in our students?

Kate: What’s important is that we give students more than one chance. Students are not known by one action here, but by a lot of different actions. Adults are always waiting for a kid to make the right decision here, and that helps them think, “I did make a mistake, but I can get beyond that.”

So if they feel successful, it becomes easier to carry on.

Does the focus on resiliency tie into overprotectiveness?

Kristin: “And I’m not effective. I’m a victim.”

More on personal resiliency builders and environmental protective factors

Dr. Kathy Masarie spoke at a Catlin Gabel parent community meeting in November 2011 about the courage it takes to foster resiliency in children, and how parents can model autheticity, honesty, and self-care. Click on the audio file below to hear her presentation (1 hour, 21 minutes).

Audio: 

Kathy Masarie podcast.mp3

October 16-22 is ADHD Awareness week. Although medical and mental health professional know lots about the disorder, many families dealing with ADHD feel that they are alone. With proper education and networking with others this no longer has to be the case.

About ADHD

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics “attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder limits children’s ability to filter out irrelevant input, focus, organize, prioritize, delay gratification, think before they act, or perform other so-called executive functions that most of us perform automatically.” It speaks to reason that many children exhibit this form of distractibility. However, ADHD causes distress and impairs the child’s ability to function and learn academically. The symptoms of ADHD are excessive, pervasive, and persistent. Although many of us are distracted from time to time, living with ADHD can be quite overwhelming. 

What we know about ADHD is that it does not discriminate and affects people of all ages, races, genders, intellectual ability, and socio-economic backgrounds. The CDC reports that in 2011, 9.5% of children in the United States had been diagnosed with ADHD. Diagnosing ADHD is a complex process that should not be entered into lightly. It requires looking at variety of symptoms that cause impairment in major life areas and have persisted for a minimum of six months. A good diagnosis relies on variety of tools that might include observations across a variety of contexts, the implementation of screening tools, and ruling out other issues that might appear like ADHD such as Sensory Integration Disorder.

Treatment Options

Treatment for ADHD is a continuum from least restrictive to most. Often times, the first round of treatment is taking an inventory of what behavioral strategies can be employed and educating the child on ADHD and strategies for coping with the deficit. Changes to the environment or adding tools to the child’s repertoire might also be helpful. Using a collaborative process and taking stock of what works for the child and what doesn’t work is a good strategy. If these approaches are not making enough difference a behavioral plan might be created to help the child be successful. External rewards can be given to help motivate the child and help them use the tools being coached. An additional approach can be medications helping stimulate the executive functioning portion of the brain. The most typical and successful form of treatment is a combination of these methods.      

ADHD Awareness Week is an opportunity to reduce stigma and to learn the facts about the disorder and how it affects the community. Log onto www.adhdawarenessweek.org for more information.  

According to Izzy Kalman and Brooks Gibbs, both professionals dedicated to eradicating bullying from our schools, the concept of freedom of speech is the solution to verbal bullying.  We have all heard of “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”  In fact, freedom of speech is the “constitutional version of the sticks and stones principal,” according to Gibbs and Kalman. 

The psychological concept that people’s words cannot and should not hurt us is a wonderful principal that teaches children that they can choose not to allow words to affect them negatively and diminish their sense of worth.  In fact, this skill is essential in teaching children how to be resilient.  Just because another child says something mean to them does not mean they have to feel badly about it or take it as a reflection of their own self-image.

Too often children are given the message from society that they should be hurt by other’s words.  As a result, all slander becomes a deep emotional wound.  What we want children to learn is that they are amazing and strong in their own right and no one can take that away from them.  This social skill will aid them in becoming emotionally healthy adults who can bounce back from hardship and not allow others to dictate how they feel about themselves. 

Of course there are exceptions to every rule and freedom of speech is no different.  Freedom of speech does not protect words people use that can cause objective harm.  It is illegal to yell, “Fire!” in a crowded theater because this can cause people to panic and trample each other.  Freedom of speech also does not protect against threats of violence.  No one is allowed to threaten physical harm.

The intervention for verbal bullying is paradoxical.  For example, if a child responds to hurtful words by trying to get that person to stop and deny their freedom of speech, the aggressor may want to do it more.  Instead, if the child understands that their aggressor has the right to say whatever they want AND s/he has the right to not be hurt by it, soon the aggressor becomes bored and runs out of things to say.  This skill can be taught and modeled and children can learn not to be victims to verbal bullying.  This is what we teach at school.  

By Zalika Gardner '90 and Herb Jahncke

From the Winter 2010-11 Caller

See 16-minute video below for more

For most people, classroom learning means reading, writing, math, and social studies— skills and facts. It’s easy to overlook some of the more fundamental questions bouncing around in a student’s mind: Am I good? Who is better? Will I be strong in math? Will I ever learn to spell? And the all-important: Am I smart?

When we explain to the students what we see about how they approach tasks, this helps them learn about their own learning. When we infuse them with optimism about their unique ways of thinking, we help demystify how their brains work. We replace the worry and misinformation children tend to attach to their challenges with specific information and observation, supportive recognition, and tailored intervention. When learners are clear on their strengths and recognized for their affinities, they are much better able to sustain effort and identify growth.

What does that look like in the classroom? In 2nd grade we want the students to recognize that everyone is different, and that’s actually a really great thing. Some students can think numerically and solve math problems quickly. Others in the class may be challenged by writing. Some may be reading challenging chapter books. Our goal is to help them understand who they are and how they learn. We also want them to learn who the other individuals are in the classroom and how they learn. Our journey towards learning about the individuals in our community begins with the work of Howard Gardner, who proposed the existence of multiple intelligences. We all know that people seem to possess particular affinities and strengths. After all, adult careers generally are not “be good at everything” endeavors but rather the practical application of specific strengths. There is a reason we are teachers rather than accountants or electricians or astronauts. While certainly “nurture” or the combination of people, events, and experiences in our environment play a role in our adult successes and choices, clearly “nature” provides different brains with innate strengths that affect our school success, from academics to relationships.

It’s OK (cool even) to be different. This was the big idea that we started with in 2nd grade in our exploration of ourselves. We looked at our outsides, including the colors of our skin, eyes, and hair, recognizing that we are all a mix of dark and light shades of brown. We also looked at the globe and discovered that skin color, along with the rest of our outside features, comes from our ancestors and where our families are from in the world. As we studied ourselves we also considered that there is so much to know about people that you “just can’t tell by looking!”

Our students, after considering this list of brain strengths, identified their own super brain strength, their super power. Of course, when you have a super power, you really need a superhero identity. And a cape (you really need a cape when you have a super power!). The students created their superhero identities based upon their brain strength, designed their superhero logos on capes, and illustrated comics about their superhero identities. Taking what they learned about physical features, affinities and brain strengths, we invited families and friends to join us in celebration of a lot of hard work and learning. Everybody in 2nd grade loves this project. It’s fun, it’s active, and it involves some serious thinking.